re-evaluation

The thing is, the older I get, the less sure I am of myself, of the world and just about everyone else.
I re-evaluate the whole time. Sometimes it is about myself. I discover new things, I make gruesome mistakes, I hurt and get hurt. And in the process I understand humanity a tiny little bit more for every stumble and every wrong. I get less inclined to judge others. The bliss of age, someone might say, while I would put it down to simple identification. If I err in a certain way, I will be less judgmental if someone else does it too. Or at least that is how it works most of the time.

Other times I re-evaluate my world view, other times people I meet or know of. And sometimes I re-evaluate God and faith.

God can stand this my scrutiny, of that I am sure. Probably the hardest thing of all this constant processing is the re-evaluation of relationships, both professional and personal. And at the same time - if I did not choose my husband again and again, would I not be a bad wife? So I choose. At times the answers are not as easy as I would like them to be, other times they're already there when I start thinking. But I do it. I choose. And for now, since I cannot say anything of what tomorrow brings, this is the life I choose. Not because there are no other options, but because this is the life where I love and am loved, need and am needed.

Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow. Today I choose here and now.

Re-evaluation done. For now.